A Letter To My Future Wife

This is an excellent exhortation to male and female saints, as we battle the selfish flesh...may it be a blessing to each of you.

Courtesy of Reformed For His Glory

Over the last year, I have been diligently reading and listening to sermons in an attempt to get ready for marriage. I thought that it might be beneficial to the body of Christ (especially to young single men), if they could see what is on my mind, and in my heart (not because I am an expert of any kind, but because I have been diligently reading other godly men, and diving into the word, in order to find out how I could be a godly and loving husband). Mainly this letter IS for my future wife, and for myself (to serve me as a reminder), but I invite you to read, and reconsider whether our expectations are egocentric or Christ-centered.

Dear, Love

I've decided to write you a letter- now that we aren't married- to let you know of the things I expect from myself to give to you. These things will serve as a reminder to me, as I await the day where we will become one.

The Things I Expect From Myself To Give To You

Notice that I said- "The Things I Expect From MYSELF To Give To YOU". Too often in marriage, and unfortunately in Christian marriages, there is this self-fish focus on behalf of both spouses, where they enter into marriage attempting to find someone who will fulfill all their self-fish needs- this does not glorify our Lord. The husband's love for his wife should "not seek it's own self-interest". Instead, it should seek the interest of the other (which leads to my first point).

• I expect from myself to seek your self-interest above my own.

Marriage is the union of two imperfect people coming together. With that being said- I don't expect you to fulfill all my "needs" (not that you are incapable of supplying me my needs, but I understand that you WILL fail me at times, and sometimes my "needs" aren't really needs). Rather, instead of focusing on your failures, I will focus on improving on mine. I will focus on loving you in spite of your shortcomings. Your self interest will be my duty. Not only in the "big" things, but also in the most minute of details, in all that is important to you.

• I expect to provide for you financially. 

It is the duty of every man to provide for his wife and family. And a Christian man that does not, "has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever" (1st Timothy 5:8). At the same time, we must remember that even if we have financial burdens, it is not the end of the world. For we do not live for this world. We must always find our joy in the risen savior. In the riches that are in Him. On the other hand, this does not mean that I am not currently working on preparing myself financially for our future. I am doing just that, and with the Lord's providence, we will be just fine. 

• I expect to give my life for you as our Savior gave His for the Church

I believe this entails all of life. I will not only seek to please your material needs, but your spiritual ones as well. Further, I ought to seek your happiness when you are sad, I ought to seek your healing when you are hurt, I ought to seek to provide in all that you need. Even in those things that might seem minuscule to me, if they bother you, I ought to find a solution. My life will be given for yours.

John Gill expresses it more eloquently

Husbands, love your wives,.... Which consists in a strong and cordial affection for them; in a real delight and pleasure in them; in showing respect, and doing honour to them; in seeking their contentment, satisfaction, and pleasure; in a quiet, constant, and comfortable dwelling with them; in providing all things necessary for them; in protecting them from all injuries and abuses; in concealing their faults, and covering their infirmities; in entertaining the best opinion of their persons and actions; and in endeavouring to promote their spiritual good and welfare: this love ought to be hearty and sincere, and not feigned and selfish; it should be shown in private, as well as in public: it should be chaste and single, constant and perpetual; it should exceed that which is bore to neighbours, or even to parents, and should be equal to that a man bears to himself; though not so as to hinder, and break in upon love to God and Christ: many are the reasons why husbands should love their wives; they are given to be helps unto them; they are companions of them; they are wives of covenant; they are their own wives, yea, their own bodies, their own flesh, nay, as themselves; they are their image and their glory; and especially the example of Christ, in his love to his church and people, should engage to it:

I love you, awretchsaved

A Lovely Christian Litmus Test

By Anthony Biller ~ Sapphire Sky

28And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” 29Jesus answered, ”The most important is, ’Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ’You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 32And the scribe said to him, “You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. 33And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” 34And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, ”You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And after that no one dared to ask him any more questions. Mark 12

We can best evaluate how well we love by those around us. The people with whom we spend the most time are the best indicators of whether we’re walking Jesus’ walk and displaying the fruits of a Christian life. Often, such people know us better than we know ourselves. Our conceit and wishful self-perception do not deceive them. Often, I’m tempted to define how Godly I am by how much time I spend doing purely religious activities, like reading my Bible, praying, and doing charity work. That’s probably not the best test though. I suspect the best way to measure whether we’re living the Christian life is to evaluate how well we love God and those around us. Perhaps the best way to love God is to share his love with those whom he created and died for on the cross.

To determine whether you love, evaluate whether you are loved. Be sensitive to whether co-workers are happy to see you at the beginning of the day. When you come home, look for family members greeting you with a smile. Does the dog wag its tail or run the other way? Intimacy begins with your family. I think it’s an act of worship to know the dreams of each member of your family and to dream with them, to hold them and let them know you love them. Praise and thank God in their presence for the gift of their life. Praise and thank God in your private prayers for them. Seek intimacy with friends. I naturally keep walls up, as I suppose most people do. As Christians though, we should be committed to opening up and knowing and loving those that God puts on our path.

Marriage is “ground zero” for most of us in learning to love purely. The sacrament of marriage continually requires the Christian application of selfless love. In marriage, two become one. There is no better place to witness the presence or absence of Christ-like love. In unconditional love, the marital union blossoms into a life-long relationship of trust, happiness, and peace. Without it, the relationship or a spouse withers and dies.

Too many churches ignore the Apostle Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives. The media gives critical attention to the role of the New Testament wife. Namely, in the book of Ephesians, as well as in other places, Paul called on wives to submit to their husbands and established that husbands are the head of the family. Our secular, non-believing compatriots ignore Paul’s instruction. Even for believers, Paul’s admonition sounds harsh to our modern, egalitarian ears. Unfortunately, the press reports only half the story.

In the book of Ephesians, in the very next paragraph, Paul calls on husbands to love their wives, “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … .” (Eph. 5:25.) Christ loved the church unconditionally and completely. (John 15:13.) Paul calls for a radical commitment. Unfortunately, our secular friends are not the only ones to miss the significance of Paul’s complete instructions; many Christians fail to realize the radical nature of Paul’s instruction. God calls the Christian wife to submit to a man whose duty it is to unconditionally and completely love her, even unto the point of his death. The wife is to submit to her servant of love. In such a relationship, there is simply no room for egos, pride, or selfish desires. In a relationship of submission and servant love, divorce is unthinkable, which explains why God hates divorce. (Mal. 2:16.) Christian marriage should shine as a light to the world, especially a world where the majority of marriages end in the tears of loneliness, betrayal and divorce.

Of course, this is often easier to understand than it is to live it. I’ve heard about Dads coming home from a long days work and finding the house in complete disarray, dinner uncooked, children swinging from the chandeliers, and Mom displeased over the whole affair. Of course, I’ve never come home to such an estate, however, this is often considered a state of normalcy in homeschooling families … so I’ve read. It’s also not unheard of for the Dad to get angry over this and to let his dissatisfaction be known.

It recently occurred to me how differently we men respond to other “crisis.” In the Army, if I moved to reinforce a fellow soldier’s position and found the enemy breaking through the wire, it wouldn’t occur to me to get mad and insist that my fellow soldier work harder. I’d immediately jump in and help. On the football field, if my running back fumbled the ball, instead of getting mad and looking for blame, I’d immediately jump to recover the ball for our team. Same on the soccer field; if a fellow defender was beaten, I’d do everything I could to help stop the shot on goal. I should have that exact same spirit and immediate response when I get home and find my spouse under duress, but that’s quite often not my natural response, yet my family is the most important team I’ll ever be on and my wife my lifetime MVP.

Let us encourage each other to be of good cheer and to do good works pleasing to Jesus. Rejoice!

Day 342

(A) Book of 1 Timothy ~ cont.
3. Guidance for the young ministers ~ cont.
b. Work of a minister - 1 Timothy 5:1-25; 6:1-21
(B) Book of Titus
1. Selection of bishops and elders - Titus 1:1-16
2. Pattern for Christian living - Titus 2:1-15; 3:1-15


Widows - not to be taken into the church's provision unless they did not have children or nephews (thought that interesting, no nieces), over the age of 60 ~  had a reputation of good works ~ raised up children ~ lodged strangers ~  washed the feet of the saints (that would be any regenerate person - not someone 'specified' by the Roman Catholic Church) ~  relieved the afflicted ~  followed every good work.


Washed the saints feet - the other items are pretty self explanatory, but washing someones feet.  Some would contend that this was a practice done during that season of civilization which had dusty roads, people walked, wore sandals, etc.  Jesus did wash the apostles' feet (an act usually reserved for the lowest of slaves).


Hmmm....consulting better minds than I...Gill, Henry, Poole and a couple of others reference how washing the feet of guests in those hot countries to cleanse and/or cool them down would fulfill this requirement.  In addition, their commentaries expanded that concept to include that she was willing to do the most menial of tasks to bring comfort or relief to the saints.


Quite an outstanding list, I do not think I measure up very well, an excellent opportunity to evaluate whether I am availing myself of opportunities Father gives to bless the saints.  Not in order to 'check' something off a list.  For anything done without a spirit of love avails nothing.  No rewards, nothing, zero, zip, nada.  Whatever we do, it must be as unto the Lord.  I have failed miserably at this in so many areas of my life...**sigh**...Lord, forgive me.


But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.  (1 Timothy 6:6-8)


The rich ~ fall into temptation ~ snare ~ foolish and hurtful lusts ~ love of money (root of evil, not the money).


Man of God to follow:  Righteousness ~ godliness ~ faith ~ love ~ patience ~ meekness.


I chuckled when I read this passage:  O Timothy (that O caught my attention for it implies, to me, a heart felt deep attachment), keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:  Which some professing have erred concerning the faith. Grace be thee. Amen. (1 Timothy 6:20-21)


I wonder if Timothy and Paul were having to contend with evolutionist type people?  'Science falsely so called' was the phrase which riveted my attention.  I had to chuckle over the commentaries as I compared my 'evolutionist' statement to what was written.  Those who think they have knowledge.  Those who claim that man, the world, everything that is known, came about from nothing, are like those who claim they have knowledge.


2Ti 3:5  Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.


Qualifications for a bishop ~ husband of one wife ~ faithful children ~ not riotous or unruly (or accused thereof) ~ blameless ~ self willed ~ not soon angry ~ not given to wine ~ no striker ~ not given to filthy lucre ~ hospitable ~ lover of good men ~ sober ~ just ~ holy ~ temperate ~ holds the Word fast to exhort and convince gainsayers.


Aged men - sober ~ grave ~ temperate ~ sound in faith ~ charity ~ patient.


Aged women - not false accusers ~ not given to much wine (or other pain numbing substances) ~ teachers of good things ~ teaching young women to be: sober ~ love their husbands ~ love their children ~ discreet ~ chaste ~ keepers at home ~ good ~ obedient to husbands (why? that the Word of God be not blasphemed).


Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; who gave himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  (Titus 2:13-14)


Lord, help us Your Bride to be zealous of good works, to not be a by-word amongst the heathen.  Help Your people Lord to be set apart and holy unto You.  Not conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is Your good and acceptable and perfect will.